TIRANA, April 1 – EU member states have agreed in principle to admit all Western Balkan states as full members by 2018, a symbolic gesture to mark a fully united Europe 100 years after the end of WWI, according to a report leaked to the media today.
The report cities Russia’s, Turkey’s and China’s growing influence in the region as a key factor in the decision, as well as the fact that the Western Balkan states — Albania, Bosnia-Herzegovina, Kosovo, Macedonia, Montenegro and Serbia – are making steps backwards as the enlargement process drags on.
EU members states know the countries in question will “not be ready by then” but they are planning to use their experience in Bulgaria, Romania and Hungary on how to fix the problems within the bloc.
The road plan, developed by the European Commission and key members of the European Parliament, guarantees admission by 2018 regardless of how much the political elites of the countries concerned try to put the breaks on it.
“I don’t care if a new regional war breaks out,” one of the authors said. “They will be European citizens whether they like it or not.”
(This article is a parody, marking April Fools’ Day! Please treat it as such.)
