By Alba ȥla
Meet the funniest town in Cape Cod, Massachusetts: Provincetown! or as it is usually referred to shortly P-town, a safe haven for gay and lesbian couples to celebrate their diversity in a peaceful and funny atmosphere, away from the curious or prejudiced gaze that follows them elsewhere. P-town is located right at the tip of Cape Cod and is easily reached by boat or bus from popular destinations like Boston or Newport. It was the first place where the pilgrims landed, the supposed first missionary settlers in America, from whom Americans have inherited the tradition of thanksgiving, a popular holiday still cherished throughout the country. A high tower stands still near the center of the town commemorating the arrival of the famous Mayflower ship, and also the agreement that they all signed about the way they wanted to conduct their life away from Britain.
The changes form their arrivals in 1620 are breathtaking. The pilgrims were strict religious people and one can only take a wild guess at to what their reaction would be to the contemporary Provincetown, bustling with a gay and lesbian carnival parade every summer. Its main artery is Commercial Street, lined up with shops, restaurants and other tourist destinations. Surrounded by vast beautiful beaches and equipped with a generous choice of different entertainment offerings, P-town is not an unusual tourist destination. Curiously, over time it has developed into a place where diversity and individuality are accepted and accommodated with ease. In the summer it hosts hundreds of international students who work seasonally in the shops, hotels and restaurants of the town.
I visited p-town in my second year in the States to meet some of my old friends who were working there for the summer but also to learn more about the community of gays and lesbians it hosts. I found a beautiful fun little town which had been a fishing village before. Sitting at the beautiful veranda of the caf顅uropa I thought that it is probably named so to celebrate its whitewashed walls full of decorative flowers in proper Mediterranean style. I met Bulgarian, Albanian and Romanian friends from school and they all had a story to share about P-town. Though not necessarily for religious reasons, our cultures as well have been quite rigid to the idea of homosexuality and the reactions are still uninformed at best. For these people who faced the culture of gays and lesbians everyday though things were easier to explain. “It is different to know real people with real lives. You understand they are no monsters, you understand that your own misconceptions were wrong- said one student from Kosovo who waited at one of the most popular restaurants in town-and above all they are al friendly and respectful. And that is what is important to me.”
One year later, I decided to chase other acquaintances to learn about their experience, their lives in the gay town. Having had two gay guys as two of the best friends (and 2 of the most important people) in my life, I felt compelled to send a message of tolerance and of the need to cherish diversity. So far I have found nothing more self-reflective and thoughtful as the account given by D from Tirana who spent only one summer in P-town. Here is what he recalls:
How did you decide to go to P-town? Was there something in particular that made you choose this destination?
I had heard a lot about P-town from my college peers. It seemed like each of them had a lot of fun there and also made decent money over the summer while we had no school. My first two summers in the US I did not “earn a fortune” as opposed to all my friends who had been to P-town, who kept telling about fun summer jobs and great wages. On the contrary, I barely saved to break even in my first two summers working as a lift operator in an amusement park in MD, and as a cashier at Burgerking in CT. So I decided to go to P-town both to make some money, but also I was very curious of the gay fun life everyone was talking about. Also two of my best friends T. and S. were going there that summer so I made up my mind to go the this exotic town.
You knew before hand that P-town was inhabited by lets say a little “unusual” community. Were you prepared for what you found on ground? How did the reality differ from your expectations?
If by “unusual community” you refer to the gay community there, yes I knew that it was a gay, and hence weird in my mind, community. I was aware that it was a gay town, so to speak, but what I did not know was that what I thought was “gay” was different from what it actually was. Before going to P-town, I had always thought that 99% of gays were effeminate men (sissies, or queens). What I realized in P-town was that the gay men, were predominantly very muscular, much like Hollywood action movie stars, and they had no “feminine” behaviors at all: their bodies were quite manly, so were their voices, and their gestures. I would not tell they were gay, had I seen them elsewhere. So their appearance was different from what I expected. Many times I thought how embarrassing it was that me, being a straight guy and hence a real man as I considered myself, couldn’t beat any of those gay guys. I felt I was the “sissy” oneŠBut of course, some of them had a normal body, i.e. not really built up.
Also I had never thought two men, and two women could kiss in the streets, hold hands while nobody staring at them. In the beginning I was shocked, meaning surprised, at this, but after a month it was as natural as two opposite sex persons kissing and holding hands in the streets.
I had expected weirdo-s but I found people. Like everywhere else people are different: some are vegetarians, some love pasta, some love sports, some are too religious, while these ones have “same sex” relationships. Now, after the experience in P-town, I believe that being gay is like any other attributes.
What impressions do you have from homosexual people (gay and lesbian) in p-town?
Other than their appearance, I realized that the gay guys were normal people: some were mean, some OK, and some very good people. As a matter of fact I made friends with some of them, and found out that besides our sexual orientations we had a lot in common. Before going to P-town, I had never imagined becoming a close friend to a gay guy, but eventually this happened: one guy I was working with at the beach resort, named Paul. We had a great time together at work and off work. We dined together several times; and sometimes together with his boyfriend. I even hanged out at his house.
Let me briefly tell you about the first time I went at his place: the first time Paul invited me over, I was so afraid to go, I thought he would allure me to sex, knowing that he had told me I was a cute guy, or as my other friends Jason always told me “sugar lips”. My heart was beating fast when I was at the passenger seat of his car. We entered the house and I was searching for the “emergency exits”. I thought that I would get out of the balcony in such a case. BUT NOTHING HAPPENED. Paul showed me the house and the garden. We had some refreshments and sandwiches, watched some TV and that was it. After that I felt so ashamed of even having thought the possibility of a rape. Oh god, how much prejudiced we are (I was!).
What also struck me was that the gay gays were very style-conscious: the most of them had great style and they did not smoke.
Here we interrupt our interview and D explains to me that the obviously gay guys like to call each other “fags”, but would not allow straight guys to call them so. He compares this to another dichotomy in the American society: “It is very similar to what happens with the word “nigger” and the white guys; the colored people don’t like to be called such from the whites, but happily call each other so.” Most of my friends in the States have been able to discern this interesting observation about the African American community here but not all of us can extend that to the homosexual community. He proceeds to tell me that eventually he gained the right to call them “fag” and vice versa because they realized he was not homophobic. His account continues:
Well what else? Very, very, gentle as opposed to the female gays. I think that the lesbians in P-town were quite rude, they were the ones to cause trouble. Me being a security guard in a gay resort, never witnessed throwing out a gay guy, but every other day we’d have trouble with the ladies. Also contrary to my previous belief, I never saw a pretty lesbian like those in the porn moviesŠThe guys were handsome, oh yeah, but the girls, well it seemed to me they had become lesbian because of their looksō
Everyone has a story and some of the stories they shared with me were impressive. Some of them had had families for years before realizing that they had to be themselves and turning to be entirely absorbed in the gay life. Being able to listen to them made me realize how much more considerate I should be before judging.
Do you think that as a result of your summer experience something in you has changed mostly referring to the opinions you hold about gay people?
Definitely: before P-town I thought being gay was wrong. But being gay is not more, nor less than just, oh well, being gay. I tried to understand whether this was their choice or innate. From what I understood it was innate. Paul could tell whether a certain woman was charming/sexy or not, but even if she were she was “transparent” to him. He would have no desire whatsoever for the sexiest of ladies, even Marylin. Others like Kevin, told me that while other guys at his elementary school, would love to hold their girl classmates’ hands, he actually preferred to walk hand to hand with his boy classmatesŠBut others found out they were gay in their late 20’s some of them had even been married before. Whether inborn or not, it doesn’t really matter. Everyone has their right to the pursuit of their happiness. I don’t mind gay people. What bothered me was the fact that little by little, every day, I was tempted to “try it”. Not only it was not “wrong” anymore, but now I was considering “trying it”. They would come up and tell me the advantages of having sex with a male versus a female. But, I didn’t budge. On the other hand, I would not like to spend another summer in P-town, because I’m afraid I would break and “try it”. Frankly, I don’t know what held me from trying. My best guess would be my parents, my friends, my teachers, everybody in Albania who views being gay as a crime. I was brought up thinking it is a crime, and I don’t want to be a criminal. The same thing as having an earring or dying your hair. I’d love to have an earring but my dad would die of a heart attack, becauseŠ”this is wrong.”
What do you think about the general hostile attitude in Albania towards the phenomenon and the culture of gays? It is a rigid society that considers this topic a tabooō
We Albanians are messed up. We think that spitting in the street, throwing garbage out of our balconies, hooting the horns in the street as soon as the green light comes up, Ƴtealing arms and shooting at each other is OK, but being gay is wrong. Oh please, I can’t understand my people! I can’t tell what’s wrong in our mindsō
D. ends on a perplexed and almost angry note and I consider his confusion as fully justified. Perhaps if everyone could have the opportunity (and a mind open-enough to welcome that opportunity) to live through such an experience, even the most stubborn homophobic could change their mind at least slightly about being gay and about how gay people are. Till then we seem to be condemned to live in a dark and anguishing prejudice.
